for whom the baja blasts

These posts aren't meant to be bulletproof pieces of advice, merely explanations of how I've come to conclusions about certain things and why  I'd might give certain advice. Sometimes the stories that led up to certain outlooks can appear as a series of setbacks culminating in giving up, but I'm not sure that's always accurate. I see it more as protecting one's peace and oneself. The easy way shouldn't be the default, but sometimes avoiding unnecessary suffering is the best option. Especially when you've had your share of needless suffering, both brought on by others and dealt to others by your own actions. At its core, this text involves struggling under the weight of others' own ruminations and simply choosing not to engage with it. It involves the mixed feelings and the hurt in realising that people that you thought knew you and how you operate have an entirely different image of how you think and feel. And act.  Generally, I write these thoughts

Considering that this month is my birthday, I've decided to take a step back and assess my daily activities as sort of a midyear check-in. A halfway New Year Resolutions review, I guess. Highlight some things that have brought me joy. Spread out the things that I know I still recognize as difficult. Think about things that are good and how I'm working to mitigate the bad. 

This is going to be a bit rambling, but I promise the thoughts eventually come around. I feel that they occurred around the same time and are staying together for a reason. I believe that they do have the same DNA. Let's see. 

Every so often, I think about friends and relatives going through their own education. Not that hard to when you see loved ones celebrating a graduation. Whether its for professional ambitions or following up on programs that they had to abandon earlier on in life, I empathise with their journey and generally think to myself: I couldn't imagine doing that now. There were so many courses that made the whole experience worthwhile, but after going through the public school system, college, and then graduate school, I couldn't fathom doing it "all" again. So many dreaded courses in weaker subjects. So much time spent on the building blocks of things I may not have been interested in. It was a long, long process and I'm glad I finished. I'm glad it's done. But I don't think that should mean we ever stop learning.  Accountants and doctors are both required to keep up with contemporary advancements to be able to keep doing their work. Teachers regularly have

In late March I was fortunate enough to attend a rare speaking event featuring the author of House of Leaves , Mark Z. Danielewski. Anyone familiar with my work and interests knows how significant this was to me. The event was hosted at Bryn Mawr College near Philadelphia and an online friend of many years sent the announcement to me in passing. It wasn't highly advertised. I never would have known about it for this message and I'm eternally grateful for their thinking of me.  The host of the event, a professor, had an idea for a project (of which I'm curious to see how it turns out) by providing a litany of secondhand books to attendees of the events. We were to jot down notes and thoughts in the books as we listened to Z. speak, and then the books would be turned into a massive, physical piece of art. At a certain point though, I stopped taking notes that would contribute to this interesting piece and took out my phone to write down things I found significant for myself t

This was always an odd topic. It was hard to discuss in passing conversations or posts online, because it invariably left out literal years of context and would absolutely, without fail, create more issues than it was worth due to people latching onto things that they perceived as slights and offensives towards them. The greatest and worst comedy was that the most vocal and upset responses to any such commentary were generally never even a component of that initial conversation. People would see commentary from those with online audiences and would immediately get upset, since they were a part of an online audience. Well, that's a part of why I am writing this now. I don't need to go punch for punch with someone already incensed on something that they misinterpreted. Even with this attempt, this text won't be comprehensive and will likely yield further, similar posts in the future as I recall more experiences.  But this is important to me as it has absolutely affected every

For a long time, being asked about what I wanted in a relationship was something that only ever came up in a moment of tension. It tended to be on the tail-end of a relationship, where we were realizing that things were not working out for whatever reason, with it usually being (but not always) my fault. When these moments happened later in my life, they tended to be less dramatic. There was a level of maturity there, an understanding that this was not working out and that separating was likely the most straightforward solution. When it's mutual, it seems that it's a lot easier, but I'm not sure that's the proper word. A lot more frictionless, maybe. Smoother. Some people are just not compatible, and they go their separate ways. Some of these former relationships go on to become friends, some even "lifetime" friends. But it's always an odd situation to find oneself in where the amicable, obvious solution is separation, but one or both of the couple are rel