for whom the baja blasts

Since writing about my experiences with our creative work , I've been thinking about a lot of the people we interacted with over the years. As always, this doesn't apply to the friendships we've made that will last a lifetime, but rather that vague, nebulous, and anonymous world out there, that is always trying to get in. 

This has been a topic on my mind for almost as long as I've been maintaining this blog, but I hadn't dedicated as much concentrated thought on it. Having had the time and discussing it a bit in therapy, I think I have some slightly better words for how I am feeling on it. This goes for any endeavor you are undertaking, but I have been thinking about the expectations you should set for yourself, and healing and doing the work at your own pace. 

These posts aren't meant to be bulletproof pieces of advice, merely explanations of how I've come to conclusions about certain things and why  I'd might give certain advice. Sometimes the stories that led up to certain outlooks can appear as a series of setbacks culminating in giving up, but I'm not sure that's always accurate. I see it more as protecting one's peace and oneself. The easy way shouldn't be the default, but sometimes avoiding unnecessary suffering is the best option. Especially when you've had your share of needless suffering, both brought on by others and dealt to others by your own actions. At its core, this text involves struggling under the weight of others' own ruminations and simply choosing not to engage with it. It involves the mixed feelings and the hurt in realising that people that you thought knew you and how you operate have an entirely different image of how you think and feel. And act.  Generally, I write these thoughts

Considering that this month is my birthday, I've decided to take a step back and assess my daily activities as sort of a midyear check-in. A halfway New Year Resolutions review, I guess. Highlight some things that have brought me joy. Spread out the things that I know I still recognize as difficult. Think about things that are good and how I'm working to mitigate the bad. 

This is going to be a bit rambling, but I promise the thoughts eventually come around. I feel that they occurred around the same time and are staying together for a reason. I believe that they do have the same DNA. Let's see. 

Every so often, I think about friends and relatives going through their own education. Not that hard to when you see loved ones celebrating a graduation. Whether its for professional ambitions or following up on programs that they had to abandon earlier on in life, I empathise with their journey and generally think to myself: I couldn't imagine doing that now. There were so many courses that made the whole experience worthwhile, but after going through the public school system, college, and then graduate school, I couldn't fathom doing it "all" again. So many dreaded courses in weaker subjects. So much time spent on the building blocks of things I may not have been interested in. It was a long, long process and I'm glad I finished. I'm glad it's done. But I don't think that should mean we ever stop learning.  Accountants and doctors are both required to keep up with contemporary advancements to be able to keep doing their work. Teachers regularly have

In late March I was fortunate enough to attend a rare speaking event featuring the author of House of Leaves , Mark Z. Danielewski. Anyone familiar with my work and interests knows how significant this was to me. The event was hosted at Bryn Mawr College near Philadelphia and an online friend of many years sent the announcement to me in passing. It wasn't highly advertised. I never would have known about it for this message and I'm eternally grateful for their thinking of me.  The host of the event, a professor, had an idea for a project (of which I'm curious to see how it turns out) by providing a litany of secondhand books to attendees of the events. We were to jot down notes and thoughts in the books as we listened to Z. speak, and then the books would be turned into a massive, physical piece of art. At a certain point though, I stopped taking notes that would contribute to this interesting piece and took out my phone to write down things I found significant for myself t